Boxes Are Good

It speaks volumes that after an extended absence from this space, my readers have taken to sending me messages wondering where the fuck I am. So far as I know, I'm still occupying the same square I've always been. That's good for a number of different reasons. Namely, there's no attacks of opportunity from any extra-dimensional beings keen on devouring my organs and staging a macabre puppet theater with my flesh.

Too visual? It's cool, you can tell me.

The fact is, being a self proclaimed miserable hate fuck, there are times when writing to please the masses simply isn't going to happen. And, more distressing, there are times when writing doesn't please me. As a reader, I hope you come to understand these facts and learn to live with them.

Geeking out alert!

I've been occupying some of my time lately playing Dead Space the first. Yes, I know the game's a few years old. Don't mistake me for someone who cares about this fact or rushes out to get the latest and greatest at earliest opportunity. As an aside, I always chuckle, and perhaps shake my head a little, at those among us who see it as perfectly acceptable and sensible to wait x amount of hours outside store y for device or object z. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you!? Personally, I'm content to give it months or even years before I procure said alleged holy grail. The reasons are two-fold. A) Often times these chalices have issues. Perhaps (hopefully) nothing as serious as from the Indiana Jones movie wherein the aging happens and the skin melts off, but issues nonetheless. I'm content to wait for these to be ironed out before I hand my ill gotten coin over. B) I have better things to do than stand in a line and pay top dollar for the issue ridden object, all the while trying my best to not get stabbed by someone who wants it a little too badly. Makes sense? Thought so. That said, if I've offended anyone who has stabbed someone for that latest and greatest, I hope you'll grant me mercy and spare me the same fate.

Where was I?

Right. Dead Space. Admittedly, a pretty good game from what I can surmise thus far. For those of you unfamiliar, it's basically a survival horror game set in space on a ship where everyone seems to be either dead or mutated and the latter seem to wanna do the aforementioned puppet theater. It is possible the former also wish to engage in such activities. However, being dead has put a fatal wrench into that plan.

Unfortunately, I can only tolerate the game for short intervals at a time. I don't find it frightening in the least. However, as I'm sure you've guessed, shit jumps out at you from everywhere. Being kept on ones toes in perpetuity requires a great deal of concentration and awareness. I play video games to unwind. You see where things are at odds?

Eventually, I will complete this game. Very eventually. Then I'll move on to Dead Space 2. Which leads me to believe the protagonist survives the first installment. Good for him! Or maybe he doesn't and it's simply someone else being thrust into the meat grinder. Whatever. The enemies are jerks. Why can't they just play nice?

I have found a new outlet for whatever demented skill I have with the written word.

http://www.suite101.com/content/-26-and-counting-life-in-the-canadian-arctic-a351957

Feel free to have a read and tell me I'm an idiot when you're done.

The biggest challenges thus far have been keeping the flavor different from what you'll find here and not using the word 'fuck' every second word. So far so good I think.....

It's also been requested of me to give a short speech at an upcoming summer wedding. Those of you who know me are a little worried at present. You can probably smell the evil thoughts already.....

Relax, it's just gas.